The Onion

The Onion

A United States-based parody newspaper published weekly in print and daily online.
 
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Unmoderated Tag: Humor Rating: Good Hits: 60 Comments: 0 The Onion: Paul Ryan's Unsettling Budget Plan Reveals He Cuts His Own Hair The Onion: Paul Ryan's Unsettling Budget Plan Reveals He Cuts His Own Hair Congressman Ryan is defending his extreme budget plan, which includes proposals that Americans make their own toothpaste and cut their own hair, just like he does. Apr 6, 2013 6:03 PM
Unmoderated Tag: Humor Rating: No Votes Hits: 96 Comments: 0 The Onion: James Holmes' Arraignment Delayed As Court Struggles to Remember Which Mass Shooter He is The Onion: James Holmes' Arraignment Delayed As Court Struggles to Remember Which Mass Shooter He is For More Breaking News: http://www.theonion.com/video Court officials complain that it's too difficult to keep track of every massacre and that recalling one from all the way back in July of 2012 is almost impossible. Subscribe to The Onion on YouTube: http://bit.ly/xzrBUA Like The Onion on Facebook: http://www.fb.com/theonion Follow The Onion on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/theonion Apr 1, 2013 12:37 PM
Unmoderated Tag: Humor Rating: No Votes Hits: 99 Comments: 0 The Onion: Health Officials Urging Americans to Do Something, Anything for 30 Minutes a Day The Onion: Health Officials Urging Americans to Do Something, Anything for 30 Minutes a Day The Department of Health and Human Services has issued a new report asking Americans to just do anything at all for Christ's sake for 30 minutes each day. Mar 3, 2013 10:12 AM
Unmoderated Tag: Humor Rating: Amazing Hits: 118 Comments: 0 The Onion: PR Firm Advises U.S. to Cut Ties with Alabama The Onion: PR Firm Advises U.S. to Cut Ties with Alabama Emphasizing the importance of protecting the nation's global image, marketers at the public relations firm Hill & Knowlton Strategies, Inc. reportedly met with White House officials on Monday to recommend that the United States publicly distance itself from the entire state of Alabama. For Breaking News: http://www.theonion.com/video Subscribe to The Onion on YouTube: http://bit.ly/xzrBUA Like The Onion on Facebook: http://www.fb.com/theonion Follow The Onion on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/theonion Mar 3, 2013 10:08 AM
Headline Tag: Humor Rating: Amazing Hits: 658 Comments: 0 The Onion: NASA Continues Search for Planet Capable of Supporting NASA The Onion: NASA Continues Search for Planet Capable of Supporting NASA Nearly four years after launching its Kepler space telescope to search for worlds outside our solar system, NASA officials confirmed Tuesday they had yet to find a planet with sufficient resources to support the space-exploration agency and its 18,000 employees. Feb 17, 2013 11:55 PM
Headline Tag: Humor Rating: Good Hits: 954 Comments: 0 The Onion: Lance Armstrong Admits Drug Use, Plans Return to Cycling As Flamboyant, Fan-Hating Villain The Onion: Lance Armstrong Admits Drug Use, Plans Return to Cycling As Flamboyant, Fan-Hating Villain With his 'golden boy' image tarnished, Lance Armstrong has returned to cycling as radical bad boy 'Killstrong.' Subscribe to The Onion on YouTube: http://bit.ly/xzrBUA Like The Onion on Facebook: http://www.fb.com/theonion Follow The Onion on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/theonion Feb 16, 2013 7:42 PM
Permanent Tag: Television Rating: Good Hits: 209 Comments: 0 Peelander Z: Peelander Z: "Star Bowling": Sxsw 2013 Showcasing Artist PEELANDER-Z, the Japanese Action Comic Punk Band based in NYC, was originally formed in 1998 by Peelander-Yellow, Peelander-Red, and Peelander-Blue, after meeting in New York City (although they'll tell you they're all from the Z area on the planet Peelander). Peelander-Green was welcomed in July 2008 after Blue left the band. Peelander--Z has appeared at major music festivals including Bonnaroo and the Vans Warped Tour and has also been featured on TV programs such as VH1's "Best Week Ever" and Comedy Central's "Upright Citizens Brigade" among others. The band has also been covered by SPIN, Rolling Stone, Village Voice, NPR and The Onion among many others. At its live shows, Peelander--Z guarantees intense audience participation and a chance to exercise. You'll see the band in colorful costumes reminiscent of Japanese anime, though they describe their outfits as their skin. You'll also see The Red Squid, human bowling and all around insanity. A Peelander--Z performance is a rare occasion for the entire family to rock out and have a great time. Feb 13, 2013 11:09 PM
Headline Tag: Humor Rating: Ok Hits: 884 Comments: 0 Onion Talks: Your Brain-Gun: Turn the Safety Off Onion Talks: Your Brain-Gun: Turn the Safety Off The most powerful weapon isn't in a missile silo: it's in your head. Leonard Pace explains why we should be far more terrified of our brain guns than any manmade weapon. Jan 3, 2013 9:44 AM
Unmoderated Tag: Humor Rating: No Votes Hits: 149 Comments: 0 'Sexiest Man Alive' Spoof Fools China's Communist Party (LinkAsia: 11/30/12) 'Sexiest Man Alive' Spoof Fools China's Communist Party (LinkAsia: 11/30/12) The American satirical news outlet The Onion ran a piece last week naming North Korean leader Kim Jong-un the Sexiest Man Alive. Something must have been lost in translation, because China's Communist Party-run People's Daily picked up the story with a straight face. Watch more at http://linkasia.org. IMAGE: North Korean leader Kim Jong-Un waves as he visits military units on islands in the most southwest of Pyongyang: REUTERS/KCNA Nov 30, 2012 5:02 PM
Headline Tag: Humor Rating: Good Hits: 789 Comments: 0 Delicious Pie and The Value of Patience Delicious Pie and The Value of Patience In our fast paced world, we expect everything at once. But Peter Redd says there is merit to waiting for desirable outcomes-- like savoring a delicious homemade pie. A perfect metaphor for a perfect talk. User: spam_vigilante Nov 28, 2012 9:13 PM
Unmoderated Tag: Humor Rating: No Votes Hits: 196 Comments: 0 What Is The Biggest Rock? - Onion Talks What Is The Biggest Rock? - Onion Talks With so many rocks, which one is the biggest? Professor of Mathematics Arima Nayar explains the science behind big rock discovery, and where the hunt could take us next. Subscribe to The Onion on YouTube: http://bit.ly/xzrBUA Like The Onion on Facebook: http://www.fb.com/theonion Follow The Onion on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/theonion User: SilenTom Nov 8, 2012 7:08 AM
Unmoderated Tag: Humor Rating: Ok Hits: 258 Comments: 0 The Onion Voter's Guide to Mitt Romney The Onion Voter's Guide to Mitt Romney Your pathetic, statistically meaningless vote is more important than ever this year. To help you make the right choice, we present The Onion's guide to GOP candidate Mitt Romney. Subscribe to The Onion on YouTube: http://bit.ly/xzrBUA Like The Onion on Facebook: http://www.fb.com/theonion Follow The Onion on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/theonion Oct 13, 2012 3:22 PM
Unmoderated Tag: Humor Rating: No Votes Hits: 192 Comments: 0 The Onion: Romney Still in Hot Water after Reading GOP Platform Verbatim The Onion: Romney Still in Hot Water after Reading GOP Platform Verbatim The GOP is secretly relieved they can get started on 2016, a newborn loses all faith in humanity after a record six days, and a munchtrosity is created in the Frito Layboratory. It's the week of September 20, 2012. Subscribe to The Onion on YouTube: http://bit.ly/xzrBUA Like The Onion on Facebook: http://www.fb.com/theonion Follow The Onion on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/theonion Oct 7, 2012 12:19 PM
Headline Tag: Humor Rating: Good Hits: 974 Comments: 0 The Onion Voter's Guide to Barack Obama The Onion Voter's Guide to Barack Obama Election Day is fast approaching. To help you prepare, here now is The Onion's in-depth voter's guide to Democratic candidate Barack Obama. User: RabidMadness Oct 6, 2012 12:45 PM
Unmoderated Tag: Humor Rating: Ok Hits: 247 Comments: 0 The Onion: Obama Starring in New Judd Apatow Comedy to Appeal to Younger Voters The Onion: Obama Starring in New Judd Apatow Comedy to Appeal to Younger Voters In an attempt to court the youth vote, Obama will star in the full-length Judd Apatow comedy "Commander In Steve" alongside James Franco and Seth Rogan. Subscribe to The Onion on YouTube: http://bit.ly/xzrBUA Like The Onion on Facebook: http://www.fb.com/theonion Follow The Onion on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/theonion Sep 2, 2012 4:23 PM
 
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