Onion News Network

Onion News Network

A daily web video broadcast from The Onion.
 
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Permanent Tag: Humor Rating: Good Hits: 138 Comments: 0 The Onion: Biden Unveils New Health Initiative to Make U.S. Women Hotter The Onion: Biden Unveils New Health Initiative to Make U.S. Women Hotter Inspired by the First Lady's health plan for children, Vice President Joe Biden has pledged to make every American woman beach-ready. (Aired 10/18/11) Subscribe to The Onion on YouTube: http://bit.ly/xzrBUA Like The Onion on Facebook: http://www.fb.com/theonion Follow The Onion on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/theonion May 8, 2012 11:17 PM
Headline Tag: Humor Rating: Good Hits: 1047 Comments: 0 The Onion: Obama's Approval Rating down after Photos Surface of Him Eating Big Sandwich All Alone The Onion: Obama's Approval Rating down after Photos Surface of Him Eating Big Sandwich All Alone Voters describe recent images of Obama eating a gigantic hoagie all by himself "somehow very sad." Subscribe to The Onion on YouTube: http://bit.ly/xzrBUA Like The Onion on Facebook: http://www.fb.com/theonion Follow The Onion on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/theonion May 3, 2012 7:44 AM
Permanent Tag: Humor Rating: Good Hits: 189 Comments: 0 Potential 2040 Presidents Unelectable Potential 2040 Presidents Unelectable (Due to Facebook) A troubling report finds that by 2040 every presidential candidate will be unelectable to political office due to their embarrassing Facebook posts. User: spam_vigilante Apr 28, 2012 2:02 AM
Headline Tag: Humor Rating: Good Hits: 909 Comments: 1 Democrats: Obama Has Dicked Us around for Four Years, Now It's Our Turn Democrats: Obama Has Dicked Us around for Four Years, Now It's Our Turn While most Democrats plan to vote for Obama in November, they continue to tell pollsters they're "undecided" just for the fun of messing with the president's head. Apr 19, 2012 2:24 PM
Headline Tag: Humor Rating: Good Hits: 915 Comments: 2 The Onion: Man with Nice Eyes Blown The Onion: Man with Nice Eyes Blown Female voters can't help fawning over sexist GOP candidates, a homesick kid on a sleepover just needs to tough it the fuck out, and Neil DeGrasse Tyson lets it slip that he's been to Mars. User: Griff Apr 8, 2012 11:50 AM
Unmoderated Tag: Humor Rating: No Votes Hits: 114 Comments: 0 The Onion: After 1 Week In New York Tim Tebow Already Gay, Homeless The Onion: After 1 Week In New York Tim Tebow Already Gay, Homeless Tim Tebow has fallen into sin, Tiger Woods is adequate again, and the Mets are questionable for opening day, but Doc Brooks and Kenny Kennedy still hate each other. It's GOOMF! User: RabidMadness Apr 3, 2012 1:14 PM
Unmoderated Tag: Humor Rating: Good Hits: 143 Comments: 0 The Onion: Romney, Santorum Supporters to Beat Living Shit out of Each Other at Montana Primary The Onion: Romney, Santorum Supporters to Beat Living Shit out of Each Other at Montana Primary Onion News Network political analyst Jason Copeland explains Montana's unique primary process, in which the state's delegates are awarded to the winner of a no-holds-barred street fight. Subscribe to The Onion on YouTube: http://bit.ly/xzrBUA Like The Onion on Facebook: http://www.fb.com/theonion Follow The Onion on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/theonion Mar 23, 2012 12:36 PM
Headline Tag: Humor Rating: Amazing Hits: 1010 Comments: 6 Onion: Romney Polls Surge After He Flaunts His Wealth Onion: Romney Polls Surge After He Flaunts His Wealth Instead of downplaying his millionaire status, Mitt Romney is now wearing fur coats and gold chains. User: Griff Mar 14, 2012 9:18 AM
Headline Tag: Humor Rating: Amazing Hits: 1472 Comments: 2 The Onion: Heartbroken Santorum Condemns Gay Marriage for Two-Timing Jerks like Nick The Onion: Heartbroken Santorum Condemns Gay Marriage for Two-Timing Jerks like Nick An emotional Rick Santorum stepped up his anti-gay rhetoric this week, saying jerks like Philadelphia's Nicholas Wiseman should not be allowed to marry a man they barely know when there's someone out there who truly cares for them. User: Griff Mar 10, 2012 3:47 AM
Unmoderated Tag: Humor Rating: Good Hits: 115 Comments: 0 Woman Set Record ForTalking About Oneselfl Woman Set Record ForTalking About Oneselfl Today Now! welcomes Linda Johnston, the inspiring woman who made history by talking about herself continuously for over fifty hours. User: runarounddead Mar 8, 2012 9:42 PM
Headline Tag: Humor Rating: Amazing Hits: 788 Comments: 0 The Onion: World's Youngest Person Born The Onion: World's Youngest Person Born Meth addicts demand the government address the nation's growing spider menace, K-Y introduces a new line of jam, and Prince Fielder reports to spring training exactly the right amount overweight. It's the week of February 27th, 2012 Mar 6, 2012 8:03 PM
Headline Tag: Humor Rating: Amazing Hits: 1016 Comments: 5 The Onion: Joad Cressbeckler: Immigrants Who Survive Arizona Desert Deserve Citizenship The Onion: Joad Cressbeckler: Immigrants Who Survive Arizona Desert Deserve Citizenship On The Cressbeckler Stance, Joad says any Mexican who crosses the scorching-hot desert on foot has proved himself worthy of U.S. citizenship. Feb 23, 2012 10:53 PM
Unmoderated Tag: Humor Rating: No Votes Hits: 115 Comments: 0 The Onion: Obama Begs Voters Not to Make His Daughters Switch Schools The Onion: Obama Begs Voters Not to Make His Daughters Switch Schools The Obama campaign unveils a new strategy: urging Americans to keep him in the White House so Sasha and Malia don't have to make new friends. (Aired 11/18/11) User: RabidMadness Feb 22, 2012 3:28 PM
Permanent Tag: Humor Rating: Good Hits: 281 Comments: 0 The Onion: Meet the Man inside the Nicolas Cage Costume The Onion: Meet the Man inside the Nicolas Cage Costume Star Fix has an exclusive interview with the man who has enchanted audiences for the last 30 years playing the delightfully wacky, oversized puppet of Nicolas Cage. User: RabidMadness Feb 21, 2012 1:29 PM
Permanent Tag: Humor Rating: Good Hits: 237 Comments: 1 The Onion: Knicks Trade Jeremy Lin for Selfish Asshole Who Plays Knicks-Style Basketball The Onion: Knicks Trade Jeremy Lin for Selfish Asshole Who Plays Knicks-Style Basketball After another bite of sour fish, Doc struggles to hold down the Jeremy Lin trade, Derrick Rose in a gurney, and the wusses on the Mariners. User: RabidMadness Feb 20, 2012 5:12 PM
 
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