Quotes | MilkandCookies

Two tears in a bucket, mother fuck it.

-- The Lady Chablis

[After the T.V. has been stolen] This sucks more than anything that's ever sucked before.

-- Butt-head

Hoist by our own petard.

-- [colloquialism]

Nothing but Net.

-- N.B.A.

Ignorance is blistering.

-- [researching]

We love pie...

-- Juul

Sadly, now there can be but one outcome.

-- Darrell Hammond

Dig your own grave and save!

-- Troy McLure video

I am the angel of death. The time of purification is at hand.

-- Springfield power plant worker

Ah, the mirthless laugh of the damned. Hold your nose Smithers, we're going in.

-- Mr. Burns

The years I lobbied to be treated as an adult have blown up in my face.

-- Lisa Simpson

You know those mornings that you just can't get out of bed, and you call in sick, if you had a job.

-- Bruce McCulloch

This cult thing is just a side gig for me. I have a life, asshole!

-- Manic

What do you meme?

-- Junkmaster

Are you my Dada?

-- Junkmaster

We do the surfing, so you don't have to.

-- Junkmaster

Too many Divas, not enough stage.

-- [colloquialism]

Painless Fun (formerly Painful Fun)

-- Junkmaster

This is my happening and it freaks me out!

-- Ronnie (Z-Man) Barzell

[Eight M-16 assault rifles pointed at him] This is the coolest thing I have ever seen.

-- Butt-head

Won't somebody please think about the children?

-- Helen Lovejoy

Going cold turkey isn't as delicious as it sounds.

-- Homer Simpson

It's craptacular.

-- Bart Simpson

For indoor and outdoor use only.

-- Japanese product tag

We can help you with our pleasure.

-- Japanese advertisement

Do you like bowling? Let's play bowling. Breaking down the pins and getting hot communication.

-- Japanese bowling alley

We serve people with tasty things.

-- Japanese sign

Push this button in case anything happens.

-- Japanese elevator sign

For your spanking sensation.

-- Thai scooter slogan

Not to be used for other use.

-- Japanese warning label

Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.

-- Athens hotel sign

Drop your trousers here for best results.

-- Bangkok dry cleaner sign

Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.

-- Rome laundry

Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin.

-- Swedish furrier

Special today -- no ice cream.

-- Swiss mountain inn

Do not use while sleeping or unconscious.

-- Hand-held massaging device

May irritate eyes.

-- Self-defense pepper spray

Please keep out of children.

-- Butcher knife warning

Warning: do not use if you have prostate problems.

-- Midol PMS relief tablets

Not for human consumption.

-- Package of dice

Instructions: usage known.

-- Black pepper instructions

When come back, bring pie!

-- Weebl

We're not curing cancer.

-- Junkmaster

Just making sure we're all petting the same dog.

-- Junkmaster

And, you know, the monkey's just [French accent] 'I mock you with my monkey pants.' And then there's a big coup at the zoo.

-- Oz

Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.

-- Carl Gustav Jung

The rest is silence.

-- Hamlet

Lick my chakra.

-- Lords of Acid

It's like I always tell the kids, a quitter never wins and don't trust whitie.

-- Lois

We keep our shit tight.

-- [colloquialism]

Keyboard not detected. Press F1 to continue.

-- PC Computer BIOS

Suitable for vegetarians.

-- Sainsburys Mineral Water

All power to the engines.

-- Members of the Church of Trek

Knowing which pickup lines fizzle, and which ones sizzle, keeps us on the cutting edge of flirtation technology.

-- Gwen, CEO of Romaticorp

Sir, we've tried everything else to get your computer to work. I am a afraid there is only one solution left. Reboot with your pants down.

-- Matt M.

Mind numbingly interesting.

-- Bender

In a few moments the power of ten billion black holes will smush Bender and me together into a beautiful eternal quantum singularity.

-- Planet Express Ship

No Hat. No Underwear. No Problem.

-- A sign in Andy's dream.

When you're a one man band, nobody gets hurt.

-- Phil Harman

Coming soon to this location: charming ruins.

-- May 1968 Graffiti

Woah! Hey! It's like a koala bear crapped a rainbow in my brain!

-- Captain Murphy

We're here to take your pornography and sodomize our vast imaginations.

-- Ignignokt

Interesting. No wait, the other thing: tedious.

-- Bender

All monkeys are French. You didn't know that?

-- Oz

L'hippo a pique' ses pantalons. (Translation: The hippo stole his pants.)

-- Willow

My polite indignation knows no bounds!

-- Apu

Cats are fun. I like them.

-- Voice

The unwashed touching the golden.

-- Unknown

So, is she screwing up her grades again? Because she's not the sharpest apple in the barrel.

-- Cassie's Dad

This girl isn't just dealing [with death], she's giving death a long, sloppy word-kiss. She has a yen for the big dirt-nap.

-- Xander

Take four red capsules, in ten minutes take two more. Help is on the way.

-- Voice in medicine cabinet

Work hard; increase production; prevent accidents, and be happy.

-- Voice

Let us be thankful we have commerce. Buy more. Buy more now. Buy more and be happy.

-- Voice

You are a true believer. Blessings of the state. Blessings of the masses. Thou art a subject of the divine. Created in the image of man, by man, for man.

-- Voice

Do not enter this area without consuming j23.

-- Taped Voice

MilkandCookies is very strange, and rated R occasionally.

-- The Art of Peace

No point in steering now.

-- Doug McKenzie

I wish I had a dollar for how happy I feel.

-- Mel Brooks

Time to repress another memory.

-- Bart Simpson

I'm on a huge wispy rhino fart.

-- Unknown

Uh huh. OK. Hmm. Well, do you have any idea when you will release it from prison?

-- GYWO Players

Who do you have to fuck around here to get a date?

-- Some comedian

If my head wasn't on, I wouldn't know who to screw!

-- Trixie

More opinions than good sense.

-- Junkmaster

URLs Gone Wild!!!

-- Junkmaster

Being vice president has actually feuled my blackened soul, allowing me to gorge vampire-like on the bloody nectar of unlimited power.

-- Dick Cheney

Prepare to be annoyed.

-- Sign

I admit it, I screwed up. I won't feel guilty until I can put a human face on this.

-- Homer Simpson

We're not just smoking blow up your ass.

-- Trixie

Well you don't need a million dollars to do nothing, man. Just take a look at my cousin, he's broke, don't do shit.

-- Lawrence

I did absolutely nothing, and it was everything I thought it could be.

-- Peter Gibbons

Powered by velleity.

-- Junkmaster

Loading...

-- Computer

I oppress myself, so I deconstruct myself.

-- Larry Wall

From your kitchen, to your piehole. From your piehole, to your poopshoot.

-- Maya Rudolph as D. Versace

Best viewed with telnet to port 80.

-- some image gallery

Not a substitute for human interaction.

-- Tagline

Monday Monkey lives for the weekend.

-- Leela

Don't ameliorate, defenestrate.

-- Trixie

Your daily palliative measure.

This inner peace stuff is tough on the ol' coconut.

-- Homer Simpson

I was working on a flat tax proposal and I accidentally proved there's no god.

-- Homer Simpson

Suck out the poison. Quick.

-- Weebl

I just want to make sure we are all shuffling slack jawed in the same direction.

-- John Stewart

Just when you thought life couldn't suck any worse.

-- Soygirl

Who made you Judge Judy and executioner?

-- Homer Simpson

Crazy like a monkey like a fox.

-- Liz

Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue.

-- Steven McCrosky

Some semiotic symbols for you to deconstruct.

-- Colin Quinn

God's favorite website.

-- Junkmaster

Thank you for not discussing the outside world.

-- Sign

Highbrow. Lowbrow. Unibrow.

-- Junkmaster

Each share evokes a homey sophistication and a pantload of East Hampton class.

-- Martha Stewart

Look lady, you're tripping balls on some bad acid right now, you need to pull yourself together.

-- Captain Lunatic

The holidays are all about texture, color and luxury.

-- Carson

I don't think you're ready for this jelly.

-- Destiny's Child

When diet and exercise isn't enough, doctor-prescribed medications may be warranted.

Short attention span theater.

-- Junkmaster

The most common side effects with CLARINEXÃ‚Â® (desloratadine) Tablets 5mg were similar to sugar pill, including sore throat, dry mouth and fatigue.

-- Important Safety Information

War is peace. Freedom is slavery. Ignorance is strength.

-- George Orwell

Exterminate all rational thought. That is the conclusion I have come to.

-- Bill Lee

The Zone takes care of its own.

-- Bill Lee

Language is a virus.

-- William S. Burroughs

Is that roof high enough... or does it need to be raised?!

-- Johnny

perseveration. perseveration. perseveration.

Check out our 20 page spread of women in subservient positions for no reason. It troubles us morally, but it moves product.

-- Jon Magazine

So I met a guy today named Joe.... He said, by allowing businesses to expense up to $75,000, it means somebody is more likely to buy a copying machine, or in this case, an architectural fancy machine.

-- George W Bush

When I've learned enough to really live I'll be old enough to die.

-- Bobby Bare

Sweet, sweet memories of my mama boiling corn.

-- Amy Poehler as Phoebe Lynn

Ain't nothing cuter than a fat country baby eatin' peaches off a hard wood floor.

-- Amy Poehler as Earline Oliver

Policy makers take data. They interpret threat. They assess risk. They put urgency behind it, and sometimes it doesn't uniquely comport with every word of an intelligence estimate.

-- CIA Director George J. Tenet

First of all, Papa Smurf didn't create Smurfette. Gargamel did. She was sent in as Gargamel's evil spy with the intention of destroying the Smurf village, but the overwhelming goodness of the Smurf way of life transformed her.

-- Donnie

We Welcome Other Faiths (just kidding)

-- Church Sign

I'm gonna die! Jesus, Allah, Buddha - I love you all!

-- Homer Simpson

It's gonna take a lot of fireworks to clean this place up.

-- Homer Simpson

Do I know what "rhetorical" means?!

-- Homer Simpson

No offense Apu, but when they were handing out religions, you musta been out taking a whizz.

-- Homer Simpson

Uh oh, here comes the Gospel according to puke.

-- Homer Simpson

Keepin' it surreal.

-- Old Josie

Well huzzah, huzzah. I'll just throw back my legs and pollute my britches with delight.

-- Mr. Burns

Pie. It's what's for dinner.

-- Junkmaster

I believe the children are our future, unless we stop them now!

-- Homer Simson

Beware of people who dislike cats.

-- Irish Proverb

Then you wake up at the high school level and find out that the illiteracy level of our children are appalling.

-- George W Bush

And as you know, these are open forums, you're able to come and listen to what I have to say.

-- George W Bush

Even the slight tingling feels wonderful--and lets you know it's working ... like Pixie Dust in Never Never Land to look young forever!

-- Ad for face cream.

Maybe they [strippers] can shake their asses to end obesity. The slogan would be "Don't Masticate, Masturbate".

-- Ellen Cleghorn

Awards are like hemorrhoids. Sooner or later every asshole gets one.

-- Sarah Morton

Sorry, We are Open

-- Sign in Cabo San Lucas.

A nightmarish Orwellian dystopia of forced conformity.

-- Ed Helmsley, The Daily Show

Somewhere between apoplectic and apathetic.

-- Junkmaster

My Other Car is your Ass

-- Vice Magazine

Jesus loves me. But, I just want to be friends.

-- Bumper Sticker

For four years George W. Bush has used the power of words to overcome insurmountable facts.

-- The Daily Show Skit

Make pies, not sense.

Weird to your mother.

-- Junkmaster

I, for one, welcome our new insect overlords. I'd like to remind them that as a trusted TV personality I could be helpful in rounding up others to toil in their underground sugar caves.

-- Kent Brockman

Check us out on the web at MilkandCookies.com!

-- Junkmaster

If you believe in yourself, drink your school, stay in drugs, and don't do milk - you can get work!

-- Tracy Morgan as Mr. T

Ah, the joys of mortgaging your future.

-- Bart Simpson

Thursday is Ladies' Night

-- Sign at the Quimby Compound

Innovative solution provider for building a strong value proposition.

-- Junkmaster

The Site: http://www.milkandcookies.com/ is categorized by N2H2 as: Tasteless/Gross, Jokes, Profanity.

-- N2H2

F:\ .exe

-- hairy_axe_wound

/usr/local/bin/

-- Junkmaster

In a minute, we're going to get to some really great potato recipes.. but right now, Teri, I'm gonna fly down your throat and into the universe that lives inside all of us.

-- The Delicious Dish

That show was delightful. No. No. It was brilliant. No, no, no, no. There is no word to describe its perfection, so I am forced to make one up. And I'm going to do so right now. Scrumtrilescent.

-- Will Ferrell as James Lipton

You are a blinding brilliant light from heaven.

-- Will Ferrell as James Lipton

Do not insert in ear canal.

-- Justin Warner

For external use only.

-- Justin Warner

Eye irritant.

-- Justin Warner

This product is not intended for the prevention of pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases.

-- Justin Warner

I am your infant overlord. Surrender now or I'll poop on your lap.

-- Stewie Griffin

Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.

-- Robert A. Heinlein

One man's "magic" is another man's engineering. "Supernatural" is a null word.

-- Robert A. Heinlein

One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.

-- Robert A. Heinlein

For your safety, please do not exit the tram while it is in motion.

-- Subway station sign.

60% of the time it works all the time.

-- Brian Fantana

I'm in a glass cage of emotion.

-- Ron Burgundy

Touch him! Love him! Liebe mein affe-mienke!

-- Dieter

Fall into the flavor hole.

-- Buzz Cola slogan.

F Censorship

-- Bonnie McFarlane

If you got time to lean, you got time to clean.

-- Management

Sir, I run Hullabalooza's pageant of the transmundane -- the freak show.

-- Hullabalooza Manager

The perfect blend of flavor and heat.

-- Common claim on hot sauces.

For your glory walks hand in hand with your doom.

-- Thetis

Please, please, kids, stop fighting. Maybe Lisa's right about America being the land of opportunity, and maybe Adil's got a point about the machinery of capitalism being oiled with the blood of the workers.

-- Homer

Following false idols is my god given right.

-- Junkmaster

Mission Accomplished

-- George W Bush

This is the west, sir. When the legend becomes fact, print the legend.

-- Maxwell Scott

What we call evil is simply ignorance bumping its head in the dark.

-- Henry Ford

The great nations have always acted like gangsters, and the small nations like prostitutes.

-- Stanley Kubrick

Oh, I'll stop sucking. Later.

-- Stark Richdale, Megatronics

"Sic gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc." We gladly feast on those who would subdue us. Not just pretty words.

-- Morticia

Be afraid, be very afraid.

-- Wednesday Addams

Stupidity, like hydrogen, is one of the basic building blocks of the Universe.

-- Frank Zappa

I can't give you brains, but I can give you a diploma.

Unsupervised children may be given a free double espresso.

-- Sign at a Vancouver cafe

Born Free, Then Caged

-- Springfield Wild Animal Park

Ontogeny Recapitulates Phylogeny

-- Intellectual Homer

Faith without Jerks is Dead

-- Junkmaster

We have reached the limits of what rectal probing can teach us.

-- Homer Simpson

Two minutes in heaven is better than one minute in heaven.

-- The Flight of the Concords

If you want to know how stupid people really are, just think how stupid the average person is and realize that half of them are stupider.

-- George Carlin

A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject.

-- Winston Churchill

When all else fails, men turn to reason.

-- Abba Eban

No one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American people.

-- H. L. Mencken

A dream is a wish you make with your heart.

-- Mack David and Al Hoffman

I heard the music, and I wrote to it. Some people beat drums. Some people strum guitars. It’s all in the music you hear.

-- Hunter S. Thompson

Bimbos make me want to pretend to be a better man.

-- Neil Patrick Harris as Barney

Mmmm, these innocent oppressed beings taste delicious.

-- Tek Janson

If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first invent the universe.

-- Carl Sagan

A hideously designed Web site.

-- Dan Mitchell

Remember.. Everyone has the right to believe in anything they want. And everyone else has the right to find it fucking ridiculous. Peace.

-- Ricky Gervais

Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.

-- Mahatma Gandhi

What doesn't kill us makes us bitter.

-- Chuck Lorre