Lyrics
I'm just a regular Joe
With a Good Telstra Job
I'm a Big CEO
Whose made a few bob

I like Broadband and Big Pond
I'm worth every cent
I run an Au-ssie telco
With a US accent
I'm short and I'm shy
And I have this weird mo
That makes me look like
SUPERMAA-RIO

But sometimes I'm not paid enough
To keep the shareprice from going down
Uh-uh No Way Uh-uh
I've gotta find new ways to turn Telstra's profits around
Woh-yeah Yeah-yeah

I bring on my customers' staunch loyalty
By raising each month their line rental fee
I'm the ASS-SOL Oh-oh-oh I'm the ASS-SOL Oh-oh-oh
When people ring up on our text support line
I keep them on hold for hours at a time
I'm the ASS-SOL Oh-oh-oh I'm the ASS-SOL Oh-oh-oh

I'll say the repairman will be there at eight
But he'll turn up at five - just nine hours late
I'm the ASS-SOL Oh-oh-oh I'm the ASS-SOL Oh-oh-oh
I'm the ASS-SOL Oh-oh-oh [He's a real fucking ASS-SOL]

Maybe I should have fixed phones in the bush
And not hurry to join the privatisation push
And not move our jobs to the cheap Hindu Kush

Naaahhh...I'm the ASS-SOL