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Jesse Ventura Commercial
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From 1984, Jesse "The Body" Ventura does a commercial for a Minneapolis beer store.
Dec 16, 2008 9:59 PM
Re: Jesse Ventura Commercial
He won't have any problems debating anyone on the issues, and if need arises he can always slam a fist on the table to quiet idiots.
Obama: "We must shore up our economy and protect the homeland with wind, solar, tide, clean coal--"
Ventura: *WHAM!!!*
Obama: "B-b-b-b-b making sure to put missiles on Russia's border, bomb Pakistan and raaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiise poppies in Afghan fieeeeeeeelds hallelu--"
Ventura: *WHAAAAAAMMMMM!!!*
Moderator: "Mr. Ventura, the next question goes to you. What is best about America? Two minutes."
Ventura: "To protect the Constitution and uphold the Law, defend our land, have fun, and to cooperate with everyone."
Obama: "Are-are you suggesting we invite another 9/11?"
Ventura: *WHAM!!!* "And to preserve liberty, have sound money, and see your enemies driven before you and hear the lamentation of their women."
Ron Paul: "Hey, I notice I'm invited, too. Gee whiz, my turn now."
Moderator: "President Oba--"
Ventura: *WHAM!!!*
Moderator: "Representative Paul ..."
Paul: "Go on. You can do it."
Moderator: "What is the first thing you would do as President?"
Ventura: "Abolish the Fed."
Paul: "Hey!"
Crowd: *Explodes in cheers and applause. Some people almost choke on too much popcorn stuffed into their mouths. An enormous white wolf is busy ripping out the throat of an undercover CIA operative. The gun lies forlornly somewhere between rows five and six. No one cares.*
Obama: "We must shore up our economy and protect the homeland with wind, solar, tide, clean coal--"
Ventura: *WHAM!!!*
Obama: "B-b-b-b-b making sure to put missiles on Russia's border, bomb Pakistan and raaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiise poppies in Afghan fieeeeeeeelds hallelu--"
Ventura: *WHAAAAAAMMMMM!!!*
Moderator: "Mr. Ventura, the next question goes to you. What is best about America? Two minutes."
Ventura: "To protect the Constitution and uphold the Law, defend our land, have fun, and to cooperate with everyone."
Obama: "Are-are you suggesting we invite another 9/11?"
Ventura: *WHAM!!!* "And to preserve liberty, have sound money, and see your enemies driven before you and hear the lamentation of their women."
Ron Paul: "Hey, I notice I'm invited, too. Gee whiz, my turn now."
Moderator: "President Oba--"
Ventura: *WHAM!!!*
Moderator: "Representative Paul ..."
Paul: "Go on. You can do it."
Moderator: "What is the first thing you would do as President?"
Ventura: "Abolish the Fed."
Paul: "Hey!"
Crowd: *Explodes in cheers and applause. Some people almost choke on too much popcorn stuffed into their mouths. An enormous white wolf is busy ripping out the throat of an undercover CIA operative. The gun lies forlornly somewhere between rows five and six. No one cares.*
Re: Jesse Ventura Commercial
Everything I learned about Neocons, I learned from John Milius...
Thulsa "Dubya" Doom: "What is steel compared to the hand that wields it? Look at at strength in The Body. The desire in your heart. I gave you this! Such a waste... Contemplate this on the tree of woe. Crucify him!"
Conan "The Mind" Ventura: "Croooom!"
Ron Paulotai: "He is Conan Ventura. He won't cry so I cry for him."
The Wizard: "It has been surmised that perhaps my lord had become like a wild animal that had been kept too long..."
Director's Cut
Beggar: "A pittance to protect you from evil?"
Cheney: "I am evil."
Thulsa "Dubya" Doom: "What is steel compared to the hand that wields it? Look at at strength in The Body. The desire in your heart. I gave you this! Such a waste... Contemplate this on the tree of woe. Crucify him!"
Conan "The Mind" Ventura: "Croooom!"
Ron Paulotai: "He is Conan Ventura. He won't cry so I cry for him."
The Wizard: "It has been surmised that perhaps my lord had become like a wild animal that had been kept too long..."
Director's Cut
Beggar: "A pittance to protect you from evil?"
Cheney: "I am evil."
Re: Jesse Ventura Commercial
"Crom, I have never prayed to you before. I have no tongue for it. No one, not even you, will remember if we were good men, or bad. Why we fought, or how we died. No, all that matters is that two stood against many. That's what's important. Valor pleases you, Crom, so grant me one request. Grant me revenge! And if you do not listen, then to hell with you!"
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