I've got this brilliant idea for a reality TV show: drop McCain and Palin in Canada's wilderness, provide them with good clothes and some food, tell 'em to run, wait a few hours, then release the dogs. Of course, both sides will be filmed dramatically. A team of commentators will highlight various stuff, including Canada's indigenous flora and magnificent landscape. If the dogs fail, for whatever silly reason, W_W and his pack will take over the hunt. The camerawork will have to be even more dizzying, and I'm afraid there won't be time to point out rare orchids or critically endangered spotted owls.

"And now we turn to McCain, who plods on through a densely wooded valley."

We see a fading shot of something that resembles a bloody compost heap and a huge white wolf whose long canine teeth glint murderously.

"Thank you. Yes, as we can see, McCain has found the courage to seek the cover of Mother Nature at last. Watch how he's nearing exhaustion."

The camera zooms in on McCain's exhaling frosty plumes of water vapor. The old man's face looks hideously white.

"Yes, a brave decision of McCain, to rest here. Oh, what's he doing now? Ah, a critical new development: McCain slumps on the forest floor and feebly tries to cover himself with birch leaves and aromatic spruce needles.

*Gasping commentator*

The camera pans to the setting sun, a huge orange ball hanging low in the sky. Mighty trees partly obscure its fading warmth.

"Yes, dear viewers, McCain has made a brave decision. *lowers voice and takes a few steps back* "Watch closely now. See, there she is."

A mother grizzly and her two cubs walk into view, and suddenly stand absolutely motionless, except for their sniffing noses held high. Mother grizzly charges--

Enter a commercial for a luxurious vacation in Canada's spectacular wilderness. ***** hotel, swimming-pool, restaurant ...

(Maybe one day I'll continue this story. Depends on the demand and the CIA's knowledge of my whereabouts.)

I've been a poor fuck for the last five years, and I'll continue to be one now, I'll just have a little more company then I'm used to. It's fun watching rich people freak about how they may not be able to lease a new jet ski this year.

I'll help out here: the Bush family are Reptilians, as you know. They'll give the green light for their colleagues once their grand plans have become reality. The Sasquatch ... mmm ... tricky one. Oh, I remember. The Sasquatch is Abe Lincoln disguised as a terrible creature. He'll foil the plans of the evil overlords, and crush the UN, and sweep all the secret prison camps off into the Pacific or Atlantic (depending on which one is closer) with one hand. Now you'll be able to sleep tonight, I bet.

Nah, as long as you don't feed him after midnight and are careful with water when he's around, we're all safe.