Gosh, I sure ruined my world
When I cheated with that filmmaker girl

But she took a shine to me
'Cause I look like Jack from Three's Company!

I shouldn't have taken that chance
To throw a democratic party in my pants
I wish that I could wash this affair
Like like conditioner from my silky hair!

My career is now in the crapper
I've lost support of most of my backers

Because they all think what I did's immoral
But what if I said it was only oral?

I know you all think that I made a laddie
But I swear that I ain't the daddy
That is my story
I will even take a test on Maury!

Clinton had the fat kid with the beret
That cigar was a foul tactic

Thomas Jefferson had a black chick!
Don't get me started on Richard Nixon
There's no telling where that tricky dick's bee
Honest Abe was into man lovin'



And Franklin Roosevelt married his cousin!

It's gonna be okay
I might still be President someday
Someday!
President someday!